How to have a conversation?

Having a conversation is an art in itself. It tells a lot about the people involved. We have conversations daily for different reasons. At home with your family members, at work with your colleagues, in class with students, in the grocery store with the cashier or any other place where you meet and interact with people.

Sometimes you wonder: How can I have a real authentic conversation? When talking with another person, you want the conversation to be real, truthful and fruitful where both the persons get ideas and insights. I hate the type of conversation where it is only one person talking and the other person only listens with minimum to non input. It kills the spirit and real purpose of having a conversation.

So the first thing to keep in mind when having a conversation is your approach towards it. How do you approach your conversation with another person? Are you present with all your thoughts when talking or you are absent minded and you just want to finish and get out? What is your aim in having that conversation? Are you only focusing to clarify your enquiries and move on or you would rather have an in depth conversation where ideas and information can be exchanged from both the persons?

The issue with having a conversation is the context you are put in. Remember, the context which means the set-up, the environment, the place and the culture where you exist can affect the dynamics of your conversations. For instance, if we are talking about workplace where you are expected to do your work and follow the rules strictly, you will find it tough and hard to have a real and authentic conversations. But if you are in a coffeeshop, sitting with your best friend, that is a different context. You are comfortable, one to one. There is no environmental pressure. So having a conversation here can be really flawless and easy.

Another thing to remember also is your internal philosophy about having a conversation. What is your belief here? Are you scared and not comfortable with the idea of having a conversation? Do you have negative thoughts or background about it? Are you even traumatized when this idea crosses your mind? If that is your case, then there is some major internal work and processing you need to do. We are put in this world not to stay isolated or disconnected. Our brains are wired for connections. As humans, we need to connect and inter-relate with each other. Not just for survival but for growth and transformation.

Before you jump and have conversations, look at the people around you. What kind of people you hang out with? Are you comfortable with the kind of people you interact with? Do you have similar interests and preferences? You need to take your time to pick the kind of people you want to have real authentic conversations with. There are people with fixed mindsets and others with open and flexible mindsets. Some just don’t receive ideas and only stick to their own set of beliefs. While others are open and happy to receive a different point of view and are willing to engage with you in the conversation.

At the end, having a conversation can be uncomfortable at the beginning if you are not used to it. But take your time and have positive and clear intentions. See what topics interests you and start from there. Keep the conversation really simple and to the point. Sometimes when you deviate and go different directions, the other person can get confused or lost. I like this quote I heard: Be more interested rather than interesting when you are having a conversation. Sometimes we focus on being interesting to the other person and we miss the point. Having a conversation is more about the dynamics of both the persons rather than you or the other person. It is how flawless the conversation is. It is how both the persons talk openly and comfortably with full acceptance and openness towards each other flaws and imperfections. That is where you see interesting magic and spark come out of the conversation.