How to ask for what you want?

Asking for what we want can be very uncomfortable for many of us. Some associate it with weakness. Others believe it is inappropriate to ask or we think better to avoid it to escape rejection and embarrassment.

But asking is an art in itself. Asking with intention and clarity. Asking knowing what is it you want and why. Then comes the how to ask. It is not just asking. But choosing the appropriate time, place and context to ask.

Typical scenarios where you need to ask are in a job interview asking about the job offer, in a family setting asking to arrange a weekend gathering, at work asking for a monetary raise, or with your spouse asking to go out without kids. These are examples where you probably hesitate to ask because you worry, overthink, stress or avoid.

Asking for what we want require a strong sense of yourself, your foundation, basis, intentions and motivations. The meanings you attach to your values and beliefs. Once you sort that out, it would be simpler to go ask for what you want.

Then when it is time to ask, you wonder: How can I ask? What shall I say? When is the proper time? Shall I ask in a group setting or one to one? What is the suitable context? Well personally I prefer the one to one if the matter is private and doesn’t concern other people. Also visualization and imagination can be very useful to prepare your conversation and how you will approach the asking. Doing your homework and research beforehand is also great so that you know what you are talking about.

Finally, asking for what we want is a skill that needs continuous practice and trial and error. Maybe at first you would crumble and fall down. But with consistency and patience you would learn the process, how to do it and get good at it.