What your child actually needs?

In parenting, you might think: If my child gets the basic needs like food, shelter, clothing, education and my caring efforts, that’s it.

Well in reality it is not the case. Parenting includes different and multiple roles. For instance, if you have more than one child, you would notice the different personalities your kids have. Also scenarios happen at home that require you to switch your parenting hat either supporting, allowing, guiding, coaching, delegating, containing or strengthening. This all would depend on the situation and what your child actually needs to learn in that particular moment.

From personal experience, my kids personalities are: the outdoor and social one, the sensitive and emotional one and the strong and angry one. Those personalities need different customized parenting approaches.

What affects us in many cases is our emotional attachments when raising our kids. Our love for them, positive intentions, worry and fear for their safety and security. Of course we need those emotional attachments but if we are not aware enough they can misguide us throughout our parenting journey if they are used excessively. For example, your 10 year old child wants to go to the nearby shop to buy snacks. Because you are worried and scared for his safety and wellbeing you say: You can’t go alone. You need to go with a grown up or otherwise no you can’t go.

With my appreciation for our positive intentions, this can cause our kids to become dependent. Their initiative, problem solving, figuring it out, socializing and minimum self-independent skills become numbed because of us.

I think the best part you can start with is asking these questions when you cross through any scenario: What my child actually needs here? What is the lesson that needs to be learned? Will this help my child in the long run or short run? If I was in my child’s place, will this really help me learn and grow?

I can’t deny parenting is one of the most difficult and confusing experiences there is. It is like you parenting, learning, doing mistakes, unlearning, learning again and customizing to fit your context and your child’s needs.

I hope every parent out there to perceive this as a reflective and learning experience where we learn about ourselves and our kids too.