What is loneliness? How it can be cured?
Loneliness is a perceived feeling that a person feels at moments. It happens when a person is isolated, disconnected or when a person is physically and psychologically alone.
Loneliness is not just a sudden state of being. It comes with a long history of events in childhood from the past. Maybe a situation where you lived in an extended family context which caused your loneliness. Or it could be your personal interpretation of the events that made you beleive being alone is the best solution to avoid certain painful feelings. Situations where you were rejected, or felt alienated cause painful feelings which lead to deciding to stay alone and as a result loneliness.
In our modern world, one might say: Why would you feel lonely? We have the social media. We are connected more than ever. You have no reason to feel lonely. However, with all the online platforms we have, the human element in the virtual world is missing. It is different when you meet a person face to face, look into the eyes of the person and communicate while you experience the body language and voice tone of you and the other person.
Loneliness sometimes is perceived positively when a person needs this state to do private self reflections. Examples of people going to retreat places like masjid, churches or other praying places. Or a person feeling lost and distracted and needs to be in the loneliness state to reflect and get to know their knowing and truth.
But on the other hand, loneliness can cause a person to lose meaning in life. It creates a space for anxiety, depression and losing of hope to step in. If loneliness is not reflected and processed regularly, it can make a person reach the rock bottom and even think about death to sooth him or herself.
To approach loneliness, checking your personal beliefs and values is the first step. Many people lost trust in others. Especially with the cultural and work set-up we have, where the focus is materialistic rather than emotional and human part. When you see the majority of people focus on physical-related goals like getting a job, seeking to be promoted, approaching to get married, its all to get something. Such scenarios make a person lack trust and feel alone and lonely. Why! Because its to achieve and get something rather than having an authentic connection with each other.
Checking our believes and values, what matters to us and what doesn’t. Questioning our values and our philosophies towards life and humanity is really the first step.
Second is utilize the daily routines we have to ease loneliness. When going to the grocery store, take it as a chance to initiate small conversations with the cashier or butcher or the helper. When having a walk in the neighbourhood and you meet a person, say: Hello, what a lovely weather today!
Third is create rituals and habits where it increase your chances of connection. Things like daily prayer, connecting with the person next to you, journaling, meditation, or having authentic conversations with the people in your home or work can give you good company and ease your loneliness.
At the end, with understanding about loneliness and how it came to existence, remember our need to matter and to be seen and valued for who we are. In any human connection, it successfully happens when we have processed our internal beliefs and values and leave aside the need to get something or achieve. That is where true connection occurs openly and authentically.