What are you really scared of?

In our thoughts when we are not aware enough, we think we are thinking well and doing fine.

However, thinking is not just thinking. It is understanding the foundational roots behind those thoughts. If you are daring, brave and have got the courage, reflecting deep down your thoughts can bring you beneficial awareness of yourself, your surrounding and the people around you too.

One of my old thoughts that is often bugging in my mind is the fear of rejection, judgment, critic and abandonment. It started long time ago from childhood when I saw situations that require me to prove myself in order to get the approval of my worthiness.

Let me give you an example. In elementary school, you joined the system worried, anxious and not sure what to expect. Then you see teachers and other students like you. You find some tasks you gotta do like reading, writing, following the teacher’s instructions and behaving well. You also find other students with different characters and personalities. Later you notice the reward and punishment approach. If you fulfil your part and complete your homework, you are rewarded and praised well. But if you do mistakes, your notebook was not organized or completed, you find signals of rejection, disappointment and insignificance.

As a result, in such a young age when you didn’t have the cognitive ability to think and understand what is going on, you just accepted everything. You decided to shape yourself to fit the context. You thought: If you do and follow what you are being told, you would be fine, safe and accepted.

That thought got ingrained in you like a sticky glue. Why? Because you observed a similar context happening in high school, college and the workplace. Now you believe it to be true. You don’t see any other truth but this.

Then later when you bump into situations and different life events, you start questioning: What is happening here? Does this make any sense? Am I still a helpless and vulnerable child seeking for approval and permission from others? Can’t I really take such simple easy decisions myself?

It is interesting and sometimes painful to do this reflective process.

Now you might be wondering: What do I do in such a scenario? Such reflective process doesn’t really compel you to focus on the outcome or destination. This is more about the journey itself and the personal transformation and breakthroughs you are likely to get.

It is not always green, roses and flowery out there. You may find holes, rocks and steep places you need to cross by to get to the other side.