The impact of thinking what others think of you

This is a dilemma many people suffer from knowingly or not. It is an addiction starts from a very young age according to your past experiences and internal interpretations.

From personal experience, one of the first memories associated with this habit is: She would love me if I did this. She would praise me if I did my best in school. That was the time where the mental knot got tight and strong.

However, later in life with going through different experiences and events in life, you start questioning: What am I doing? Why do I keep thinking what others think of me? What actually matters to me? If people didn’t exist, how will I behave and act? Is the meaning of my human existence really linked to pleasing other people thoughts? If not, then what is it that is so triggering? The strong feelings? The monkey mind? The racing thoughts? Or the rush and hurry to figure it out?

It is important to distance a bit from the worried mind and reflect here. Or you would be caged in it and forget your presence and liveliness.

So looking at this from far, what are some of the impacts that could happen if you continue thinking what others think of you? First is the missing to live life fully. Life is short and temporary in this earth school. It is like living in a hotel and you don’t know your checkout date (your death date). If you could die today or tomorrow or any day with or without a reason, why then keep thinking and wondering what others think of you?

Second is missing to get the big picture understanding of a situation. Let us say you have a financial problem and you only focus on people thinking about you, what about the other parts of the situation like the available solutions, the learning curve, the possible potential and the opportunities you could be missing?

Third is the loss of your truest self in this dilemma. Your opinions. Your voice. Your actual thoughts, not others. Your likes. Your preferences. Your dislikes. Your psychological state. What about those? Where did they go? What happened to them? I can’t forget this question one relative asked me once: Does that study program make you happy? Is it what you want? This really shows you do have a choice in your thoughts and your way of thinking. You are not locked to continue thinking of others’ thoughts.

Someone might ask: But isn’t this selfish not thinking what others think of you? Maybe it looks like selfish from the outside but it is actually individuality and separateness. Just remember your death and you would get it. When you or your loved one dies suddenly, you become alienated from everyone. All those memories and time spent together. All those plans you created. And suddenly the person goes. What does it mean?

At the end, continue doing this process whether internally or on paper and yourself would eventually realize the hidden truth behind this dilemma.