The illusion of feeling bad!

There is this myth that many do unconsciously. It is feeling bad for the other person. Maybe you said something that accidently hurt the other person and you feel bad. Or you don’t want to continue a friendship and you feel bad to tell your friend. Or you feel bad to be honest towards your spouse because you think it could hurt their feelings.

This habit if not reflected and processed regularly, it can freeze you in the moment and paralyze your decision making process. But what is feeling anyway? We are created in this world and many of us have got strong feelings. We assume about those feelings. We give them labels. We give them a lot of credits. We think we are responsible towards them. We have to control and manipulate them. We assume they are wrong and shouldn’t be that way. So we do things to change those feelings.

But is it? Are our feelings created for us to make us scared? What if we got it all wrong? What if we misunderstood our feelings? When reading the many recites of the holy book of Quran, I realize that we humans are very weak and can get easily affected and absorbed by the environment around us. We blame ourselves. We take responsibilities that doesn’t concern us. We put extra burden on our shoulders and stress ourselves.

There are many relationships where we tend to feel bad for the other person like friendships, marriage, parenting, with colleagues and neighbours. This habit makes the person pretend and fake the behaviours. It also makes the person not honest about their actual opinions and hide what he or she really thinks of the situation.

Processing this habit starts with a wake up call. Open your eyes. Look around you. Feel the chair under you. Feel the air you are breathing. Remember you are human. It is normal to have strong feelings. No need to be scared or do anything towards your feelings. Just accept them. Understand them. Where they come from. Why are they so active.

Then here your mind comes like a hero to save the day for you. It will do everything it can to convince you it is not normal. And that you have to do something to fix the situation. It always blames you. It is always you at fault. And it is you to fix it. Be aware of your limited mind and its tricks. Its not necessarily whatever your mind tells you its true. Most of the cases its not. And take your time to process your feelings and thoughts with objectivity.

This process, I see it as a lifetime process. Its a life skill. Its not like you process it and you are done. We are like filters. You gotta all the time filter your mind, your body and your heart to understand what you stand for and your values and beliefs.