Loved or Manipulated?

It is important to differentiate between being loved and manipulated. When you are loved, you are understood, accepted and recognised. In that context, you can be truly yourself without pretending or faking any behaviours.

On the other hand, being manipulated is a whole different scenario. It means you are tricked by the word love through manipulation. For example: I am your friend. I care about you. I want the best for you. Listen to me. Take my advise. It is the best. Or: I did this for you. I gave you this. I saved you when you were in trouble. And this is how you pay me back my good deeds?

Many times we think manipulation is love because we want to be protected and safe. We think we are not enough and need to prove ourselves to earn the love. We think we don’t deserve love unless we struggle.

I think it is crucial to know the difference between the two to understand the big picture of a situation. For example, you are kind, gentle and caring. You like to help people. You are generous. But then at times, you notice your generosity extended so much until you were taken advantage of. You help. You offer. You support until you broke down. Then people around you think they are entitled to get your support. They believe you should support them. It is your duty. They don’t consider your situation or circumstances. Then you reach your limits and crush either mentally or emotionally or both.

When you are stretched so much in your help and support, you think it is love. Actually it is not. It is manipulation. Either you want to manipulate others by making them think you are a good person or you are manipulated and made to believe that your caring and actions will buy you the love and happiness you want.

I like to refer to the recites in the Holy Book of Quran when Allah says: Don’t extend yourself so much and don’t tightly close up or you would live life with self-blame and regret. Be in the middle. Create balance in your actions. Remember the consequences of your actions. Whatever you do today, would come back to you tomorrow.

So if you reached this point reading, check on yourself. Which area your behaviours fall into today? The love or the manipulation? Be honest and don’t trick yourself. It can’t be both. There is no but here. I know we like to go back and forth in our thinking and create middle areas to combine both terms. But no. It is either this or that. After you get the answer, you would decide for yourself, the love or the manipulation that serves you best today.