How to not judge people?

Judging people and situations around us and criticizing them is a habit ingrained in many of us. We judge their behaviours, their appearances, their lifestyle, their parenting and whatever we see in front of us.

Sometimes judging people result to outcomes that affect the relationships in the long run. You see people distanced from each other. People scared to interact with each other becuase of the judging. Relationships fall apart.

You may ask: How will I not judge? We should behave in certain ways to meet each other’s expectations. That is the tribal thinking. We think that because you are in a tribe or a community you should be the same to belong there.

We wittness this habit from a very young age. At home, in schools and then later at work. Judging people is like telling them: This is not right. You should do this instead. This is right. We all have different worldview perspectives. But then using that judgment to finally put a label on the person that he or she is good or bad, that doesn’t make any sense.

I always tell my kids when they judge their friends in school: You never know their backgrounds. You never know the kind of environments they live in. What they do is what they do. That is what they learned and probably what they experienced. This doesn’t mean to tolerate and accept it but to have a big perspective when interacting with people and not to totally close off and shut down the relationship.

We think we know people, their lives, their situations, their time and their space. We assume a lot and put expectations. And when people don’t meet those expectations, we judge them as if we are superior to them and know everything. Actually the reality is we don’t really know about the person. You don’t know what the person is going through. You don’t understand unless you live with that person on a daily basis and experience it.

When you develop an understanding and empathy about the psychology of people and their emotional wellbeing, you create space and gap with this habit of judging and criticizing.

So instead of saying: why that person didn’t visit me? Or why my friend forgot me?, make a phone call and just say: Hey. How are you. How are things with you. Just checking in to see how are you doing.

You may get surprised when you know what the person is doing or going through.

All the best reflecting and adjusting your perspectives about judging and criticizing.