How to Manage Kids’ Tantrums?

Children behaviour keep changing all the time. Nowadays its common to see a child screaming and crying very loudly inside our homes or in the public. Some of the common reactions are parents getting annoyed, frustrated and not sure what to do. Other parents use the punishment method to teach the child discipline and buffer the tantrums.

Many studies and literature focus on the surface of the child’s behaviour and how to fix it neglecting the root causes. A child’s behaviour doesn’t come randomly or out of no where. The child is like a sponge who absorbs the energy and events happening in the environment. They continue to do that until they crush in front of you suddenly and start crying without a reason.

A common typical scenario I remember is this: My daughter starts going to school. She is fine. She doesn’t complain or say anything. The days pass by. Then suddenly she complains of a stomach-ache. I take her for several check-ups and all the reports confirm nothing is wrong with her. Then the crying comes along either early morning when we are preparing for school or at bedtime when we want to sleep. I try to talk to her and find out the reason of her crying. After several attempts, I come to find out some kids in school are annoying her and the teacher focuses only on favourite students and she feels rejected and unwanted in the classroom.

This is only one example how kids’ tantrums build up inside before coming out. It can be simply from an argument between siblings or the peer pressure they face in our schools’ environment. Not to forget the kind of atmosphere happening in the kids’ home if they are left alone most of the time where the parents are working or if it is an extended family living style where the child just feels lost and confused because of the different parenting style of each family member in the house.

You may think these are simple issues that don’t need much attention from our side. But actually to the child it is not simple. It has a major effect and if we don’t take the time to talk with our kids and process together the feelings and thoughts they go through, they would need to go through that alone and probably get attached to external things like friends or digital devises to cover that gap.

So when you notice your child coming up with a tantrum, just pay attention closely. What is going on here? Give your child the space and chance to talk and express. Let your approach towards your child accepting and open. Avoid rigidity and fixed solutions. See what your child needs at that moment. If nothing really works at that time, its ok. Allow your child to express her emotions until she is ready to tell you what is going on. It is not that simple or easy for the child to talk and explain properly especially at a young age. If that is your case, then probably your presence and just being with the child during that difficult time could help a bit.

To recap, our homes’ set-up where both the parents are often working cause lots of tensions and tough emotions for the child. Worse then that is the child having to face that alone and no one to contain and bring back the crushed pieces of the child’s heart. Just recognise this and figure it out how you can reduce the gap and activate your parenting role. At the end, it is not only feeding and dressing up your child, it is being there for them mentally and emotionally.